Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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