the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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