I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
