My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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