i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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