Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
