Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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