I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
