i permit you to call me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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