Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
