Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How's work?
Spinning.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
