The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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