Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
