Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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