quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
