How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
