He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
