there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
