I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
