Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
