I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
