I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Someone shattered a urinal.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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