Say something about gay babies.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
