how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
