we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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