Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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