I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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