drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
