There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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