I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
