your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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