I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
