You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
