i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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