I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
