It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
