anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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