How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
