She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
