It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
