Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
