Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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