I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
