How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
