I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
