Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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