youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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