Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
