She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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