Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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