i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
where are my eyebrows?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
