Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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